Last night I had the opportunity to speak at length with a girl ... that made me open my eyes to many things, a bit 'the same things I talk about my psychotherapist (now ex-therapist) and a bit' the same things that I send my body through illness.
When you are at a crossroads ... what? expect many, many people think, however many you throw is a bit 'on the right, a little' left, while others decide on a road only ...
and that's how my body through the disease, which is'? remains anchored to this junction ... does not know what to keep in the body, nor what to let go ... is a problem of discrimination rooted in my psyche, which has hosted the cries for help, and therefore has been poured in a chronic organism.
Well, it's a life that I still live at the crossroads. Why to choose when things can happen by itself? ... In fact choose not only brought me trouble so far ... in both the personal and romantic life, as well as "working."
There is the right and left, both with equally possible and with as many forks ... and frankly, in retrospect, I wonder, and once I remain firm in front of the fork? nothing will happen: not thinking of moving some operations ... not is the power of the mind to make things happen (at least I see the so ...); instead of acting, which is open with the light or the light closed, or with a small lamp or a candle, it makes us move from this situation of stalemate.
Instead we have to do is choose a side street, groping, touching, touch, maybe we will not have the clarity to understand what to do and we will take a lot of heads, but in doing so we definitely felt that way makes us tested. But if we are still at the crossroads, we will never know what we reserve the various possibilities, we roderemo and develop the interior (I think I was a fine example) and chronic autoimmune diseases ...
it took me many months to figure this thing, and has been with the help of a person, perhaps discovery by chance (now I have to thank) that I realized what I do now, today, to feel really good. This person is a guy who I found to be more present in my life than I thought, a person present for several years but had never considered a different perspective, a person who was present when I was in Aviano, a person who when I was in house sitting on the toilet was present, a person who I have to thank you really interested. She was able to respect my time and smiled when I told him that I can not eat ice cream ...
It made me realize that I gave you the wrong amount other than that I should give it to me, made me realize how important the individual than the group ...
Yet after a while 'made me understand that my path in some respects, is another. With this person, yes, I've rediscovered the love, but not in the way that you can understand ... I discovered a side of love that I thought I lost.
So, thanks, and because of him, I found myself once again at a crossroads. Now the therapist is no more, and not because is dead, simply because he saw that I went out by herself from a situation of shit that I challenge anyone to live. A few days ago told me that it is concerned I do not need therapy ...
This time, trovatami before the junction, I decided quickly. There were half a (are) my love life, my emotional life, my sensibility, my past, my present, my future and my Erasmus in Spain. I reasoned, trying to see beyond appearances, trying to reconcile as far as possible the reasonable mind with the instinctive heart / feeling, and I finally concluded, as well as acted. Which ever way you solve and develop the things that I have given the input I serene ... because I chose instead to remain fixed in a dazed or courage to choose.
[I'm gaining weight again :-) I was passed by 48 to 39 kg, with a peak at least 37 ... and is currently weighing almost 43 kg. I would like to see the whole world that I have my period back after months of artificial cycle. Unfortunately there are people who greeted me in my worst moment, around February and March that now do not see these changes in me, I feel sorry for them mainly because they will in the future, an opinion of me really different from what they are .. . and perhaps these people, deep down, are so taken by themselves not to change his mind about whether someone, even if immersed in shit, can come out!
I'm sorry for those who step in when the table looks at me with eyes when you see an anorexic girl and I'm sorry for those who work in the canteen every day tells me that I can only eat white pasta.] But thank
with the heart that some people were able to understand my pain in recent months ... are people that maybe I never really thanked ... and that in times of need, though I have a character of shit, have accepted with a spoon. People jump out of nowhere, people had not seen in months ...
In retrospect I conclude that: I am overjoyed to have spent these months in hell, not because I have an impeccable Leopardi's pessimistic, simply because thanks to the shit I upped the joy of living.